RP logs: ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lieutenantwitch
Aug. 15th, 2009 02:57 amtheirgoldenboyTaking from this, and the night before this. This happens on the Friday that follows.
It was late afternoon by the time they started back from Ginny's home.
Caleb was trying to process. The car's purr, its reaction to barely a touch. Pogue's presence. Little safe things that helped him not fly to pieces, or rather burst, with all that he'd learned over - was it three days or so only? Two days? Too short a time, anyway.
It resulted in him being quiet. He'd reply when Pogue spoke, not absent-mindedly, but overall, it would probably be... just answering the immediate question or topic and quieting down again.
Dusk was falling when he saw a motel and just pulled over and stopped. He ran his hand over his face, and turned to meet his friend's questioning look. "A break. You know, bathroom, whatever." A breath. "Or... overnight. I'm not exactly in a hurry to get back and deal with him."
They were over halfway back. It would have been no problem to press on and be home tonight. He could do it. But he could use a break.
Pogue eyed his friend and shook his head. Caleb was distracted. Upset. He didn't think you even needed to know the man for as long as Pogue had to tell that. "Overnight," he said, with an added little jaw-clench for the thought of dealing with Chase. He didn't want Caleb to have to deal with Chase. "I can deal with him when we get back, if you want me to." He'd be glad to deal with Chase. He'd be glad to deal with him once and for all if he thought he could get away with it, except, Ginny. Her and the child changed things.
He wondered if Ginny and the child were the only things that changed things or if Caleb was keeping something else quiet about the lost son of Ipswich. He was betting there was more Caleb hadn't said, although with all the information they'd gotten dumped on them in the last few days it was hard enough for him to sort through. He couldn't imagine what was running through Caleb's mind right now.
"Let's stop for the night, though," he did say, nodding, rubbing his palms on his jeans. "Give the guys a call, tell them we're stopping over. You could use the break, anyway." The sideways look he gave his friend wouldn't let him argue on that at the very least, even if he was inclined to.
Seeing as Caleb was the one who... asked for said break, he wasn't going to argue. "Yeah. The guys. Mom." The usual drill. "That'd be good." He frowned slightly at the suggestion of Pogue dealing with Chase. "Maybe. We'll see, if I can't... although I'm not sure it'll be easier for you." Even if straightforward was likely. Except Chase wasn't reacting well to straightforward.
Caleb shook his head and smiled a bit. "We'll see." No, there were no secrets kept on purpose. Although there may yet be revelations. "Let's go?..." One eyebrow quirked up. "One room? Or two?" Why yes, he could tease a bit. Now that the conversation with Ginny... had happened. He didn't know if it had gone well or not, couldn't decide yet. It hadn't exploded in their faces, so that was something?
"What, you got tired of my snoring already?" Pogue laughed as he hopped out of the car. "Anyway, I'm up for it if you are," seeing Chase, that was. As they headed to book the room. He didn't care so much about easier or not easier, just easier on Caleb. Chase he could give a shit about. He'd never liked Chase, not even from the beginning before they knew what he was.
With Ginny... he wasn't sure how to feel about that. Except that she'd been nice, and sweet, and he'd liked her when they'd met. She'd been one of those genuinely good girls, if softer than he was used to. Not as out there as most women were these days, and something in that had brought out something in him. Maybe some white knight looking for a damsel to rescue. He made a face at himself as they booked the room, got the key. God, was he really thinking this? Him as the white knight, her as the damsel? "Man, I need my head examined," he muttered.
The quiet comment suddenly made Caleb giggle. An untypical sound, overall. Maybe a bit too sharp. "I think that's going around. You think we can all go for some sort of group therapy?"
Into the room, door closed. That just felt... good right now. He just stopped a few steps from the door and stood... still, shoulders dropping. Eyes closed.
Pogue started to move around him and stopped at that sound. It wasn't a sound that he was comfortable hearing from any one of his friends. It reminded him of Chase. And he really didn't like that. "Maybe, but where'd we find the therapist..." he moved in closer, one hand on Caleb's shoulder, forehead slightly bowed towards his friend's.
"You okay, man?" All thoughts of Ginny forgotten, or at least, most thoughts. The ones he'd had a moment ago so thoroughly forgotten he didn't remember to be relieved that he was no longer thinking them. All of it, focused on his friend.
Caleb blinked his eyes open and at his friend. "Yeah, I'm... I don't know." The usual reaction of reassuring everybody. And then the honest answer. Because it was the two of them and he didn't always need to keep it all wound up, wasn't that what Pogue had said... years ago? He took a deep breath, then took a step - closer to Pogue. Close. "I don't know. It's too much, too fast. And too much is hitting... home. In different way." He looked down.
Then he bumped his forehead against Pogue's shoulder, in the kind of familiar gesture. "Too fast."
"Tell me," was all he said, simply, arms coming around him tight and strong and automatic. This was what they were. This was what they did. His friend, brother, someone he cared about very much, was tired. Was hurting. He could be there, and listen. So he would.
Caleb clung. At least it felt to him that way, but he held on to his friend, hard, close.
He just stood like that for a few moments. Caught between the want for honesty and the worry of how it would mess up with Pogue, because it was him that Chase had hit hardest last time. He was the one who'd ended up in the hispital, and that thought made him clutch a trifle harder.
"I'm... sorry. Might not be easy on you, either. It just..." Deep breath. And then he just... started talking. Quietly, almost mechanically, though he doubted many would confuse that with calm. About the conversations he'd had with Chase. The mind screwery. The differences. Not big, not an 'improvement', but there were differences, changes. They'd touched on that while talking with Ginny. That Chase had seemed genuinely upset about the whole thing. How it's become absurd to get information straight of him, where there had used to be ... ravings about what he was going to do. How now the information he got from him, he only could get sideways, and that was weird.
"And he's toned down using. Like... he got angry, his moods swing like a yo-yo. He powered up, eyes black, everything. And he didn't do anything." Somewhere along the way, he'd probably crumpled a little against Pogue. Not as in hanging on his neck, more hiding his face against him. Talking about something behind that door, which was different from in here. That wasn't here. Chase wasn't here, even if they were talking about him.
Pogue held him tighter, and by the end of it he was clinging almost as much as Caleb. It didn't make sense. This wasn't the simple, power-hungry bastard they'd run into their senior year, this was something else. Someone else. "Then again," he mumbled, half to himself. "Finding out you have a kid would change anyone."
But he shook his head slightly, one hand rubbing over Caleb's back. Maybe along the back of his neck a little. He didn't know what he'd do or how he'd change if he suddenly found out a one-night stand had gotten pregnant from that escapade. He was surprised that Chase was genuinely upset, that he registered the existance of someone outside himself, and said so. "Do you think he's talking sideways because it's personal..." and the idea of Chase actually having a personal life and personal business was just as odd. "Or because ..."
But he didn't know what the rest of it could be.
He shook his head, feeling Caleb's breath tickle and warm his skin. "I don't know... about the not using. He was using just to smack you around in the pool in front of everyone, to throw darklings, he was using like there was no tomorrow and now, nothing? At all?" It seemed impossible. Incredible. But he trusted Caleb's judgment, so it must be true.
"I think he used on... somebody else. But it was small. Like pinning him to a wall, then letting him down. Nothing like it was." And that was confusing and scary enough. "I've been trying to figure it out, but it's just... we knew too little of him, and too much time has passed. And... Ginny. Not just the baby. That spell. Those were missing pieces. Only I don't know how many more there are." Another breath, still that close. He could smell Pogue from this close, and he was good with that. Better than feeling like the sky would be crumbling over their heads in a moment. "I don't know. I don't know why he came back to Ipswich of all places. I don't think it was just to have us search for her." Wryly, fingers curling into Pogue's clothes. "You know him. He doesn't ask for what he wants. He makes demands."
Caleb unwound enough - just to tug Pogue so they could sit on the bed. Not really letting go. "You're right. He's a psycho. He's dangerous. Unpredictable, and way too powerful for his own good, or any of ours. And I can't... even think of doing what would... I don't know how to ignore him, that's too dangerous. And in a nasty, twisted way, he's one of us. And I don't know..." what to do. Except he ran out of words.
What if he was the one who had gone crazy? For ever paying attention to Chase, for thinking he ws one of them, for considering the change as something that would be more workable. For possibly exposing them all to more danger by letting the madman in. Things were spinning, and he kind of nestled his forehead between Pogue's shoulder and neck, to try and stop it. Here, steady. And you're just hanging another stone to weigh him down. Good friend you are, Caleb.
Pogue sat with him, one leg tucked up in front of him and the other dangling off the side of the bed. One arm still around his shoulders, other hand slipping along his back a little. Listening. Both to what Caleb was saying and what he could imagine his friend was thinking even if he didn't say it. "I still don't think he's one of us," Pogue said after a moment or two of silence, just of sitting together. But it was more than that. "We barely know the guy. All we know about him is what he tells us and what we saw in his file. We know he swims a mean freestyle, we know he's not shy about killing people and he's got more power than he deserves. We know he has sex." Pogue made a face because he cuold have stood not to think about that. "Or did at some point in the past. And we know he plays decent fusball and that's about it. That's not one of us. That's a stranger."
As for the rest of it, the baby... "I can't think why he came back to Ipswich either. Except, kind of... yeah. He is kind of one of us, he has the power. Our kind of power..." Which, there were different kinds? "And since when can Ginny do spells?" That was starting to hurt, now that it was catching up with him. His distressed damsel becoming a distressing damsel.
He hugged Caleb a little tighter. "I don't know what to do either, man. Maybe we need someone like an actual head-shrinker to take a look at him." Although he could imagine Chase's reaction to that. "Maybe we need... I don't know what we need to do. And no, he doesn't ask for what he wants. He takes it." Pogue shivered ever so slightly, feeling the cold again of that road, bones breaking under the power, pain all through his body that wasn't half so bad as his fear for Caleb and Kate. "Probably, if he's not going for it this time, he doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he's back here because this was the last time he can remember knowing what he wanted."
This close, Caleb could definitely feel the shudder, and his arms tightened around Pogue in turn. Screw you, Chase Pope. His anger flared briefly, a tingle in his fingertips, behind his eyes. His voice was quiet but tight, very tight. "He'll never be one of us in any manner near to how we're us. Ever." Statement. Promise that it's not what Caleb's working towards. Reassurance. All of those. "Nor will I allow him to get to any of you as he did." Swallow. "Chase, or anyone else."
It stung. Ginny's lies to them stung, even if they'd brought them no harm. Even if they had, in a way, only brought har to her. It was still a betrayal. "She kept us in the dark. Didn't directly hurt us, but kept us in the dark. I wonder for how many generations has that been the case. Them watching us. Like mice in a cage. And we thought we were the ones that had the power. The ones who could do things." Anger. Anger made it possible to think of that without his stomach doing cartwheels. Anger, and a tinge of power...
Caleb took a breath, and straightened. And forced himself to let go. No using without very good reason. No. He wouldn't let himself go down that road. Not for Chase. Not for people with power to do what Ginny had done to Chase. Not for feeling like a guinea pig. Besides... power wasn't the answer. Chase was the prime lesson for that. Slowly, he let his breathing even out. Slowly.
"You're right. He probably doesn't know what he wants. I think." Tired voice. Back to tired, even more tired than it was before his temper flared. "But he's like us. His predecessors... joined the same covenant we did. And he's living the consequences, harder than any of us. If we could get him to a shrink... that might be beneficial." Wryly. "If he'd admit there was something wrong with thim for them to fix. Or doesn't bolt as soon as they hit on something." At least no or very little nausea. For now. "... and he doesn't play fusball that well."
His turn, just for a moment, to tuck his head into Caleb's shoulder. The tighter embrace, the sound of his voice helped. Even if it was laced with anger. He could hear it, he knew what angry Caleb sounded like. And he knew when Caleb was overburdening himself with guilt or responsibility. "We won't let him. Or anyone," he corrected. It wasn't Caleb's responsibility to take care of them. It was all of their responsibilities to take care of them. Depending on who needed it at the time.
Ginny, he wasn't sure what to do about her. She didn't tell them. She probably had been under orders not to tell them. "She was probably just following orders," he thought out loud. She didn't seem like the type to actually keep something from them of their own free will, not if she thought it would help them. "Wh..." No. He didn't want to go down that line of thinking. Not with what it was apparently doing to Caleb. They were already wound up enough, the both of them, they didn't need to make it worse.
"He'd probably ..." Pogue didn't know. Didn't want to think about it. "I don't know. I don't think a shrink would last very long with him, but... hell. I guess if there's others..." No, they weren't going to talk about that, remember? "Anyway," he straightened. "Do you think Ginny can still handle her own with him? Even with the kid? Or... I mean, we don't know anything about how her powers work. She might be able to take care of herself better than we can take care of her."
Caleb's arms went protectively around Pogue in turn. Because, God. He nodded slightly, chin brushing against the blond hair. "Yes. We won't." That was true. And they were stronger together, much stronger. Even if he suspected that right now, one of the reasons Chase was listening to him was because he knew that he couldn't just power up and push him around.
One of the reasons.
"Still. Be careful anyway? I know I am, he's... unpredictable. I don't trust him. Not for a moment. I believe some of the things he says, some of the changes. But I don't trust. That would seem... stupid. I don't want any of us to be stupid with him anymore." As Pogue straightened, he looked him in the eye. Weary, worried. "And if what Ginny does... if her spells rebound on her? She might be able to do them, but I don't think it would be wise. Not sure if babies are supposed to undergo that kind of stress or whatever. I want somebody who can use power and make it safe there with them. Even if..." Small pause. "Even if the way he talked about her? The way she talked about ... them? It's so weird."
He sighed, and looked down. "Or maybe I'm an idiot for taking responsibility for any of it. Great, big, damned fool." Quiet for a moment or three. "Maybe she was under orders. That doesn't make me more comfortable with the entire idea." He did want to ask about the unfinished question. But he also trusted Pogue. If it was important, he'd bring it up later. There was nobody he trusted more, in fact.
Later. He'd bring it up later. When things were less complicated.
He did wince at the thought of the spells rebounding on Ginny, on her child. "I don't know, I don't know anything about this, babies... But as much as we get knocked around anyway, when we take him on?" Something bad would happen. He'd throw her up against something and she'd lose the child. "Even if it's safe for her to use her powers, whatever they are, if she pisses him off and he knocks her around and she loses the kid? What d'you think he'd do then?" Pogue was certain it wouldn't be good.
The way Chase talked about her. Pogue hadn't been around for much of that. Most of that. If Caleb said it was odd, though. And the way she had talked about him was pretty odd. He knew Kate had thought he was harmless but Ginny knew what Chase was, a killer. A psychopath. "She talks about him like she doesn't know what he is, and she does. She has to." He didn't understand that. "Anyway," he snorted. "You're not an idiot. You just ..." Half a smile, there. "That's what you do, man, you take care of people. You can't help yourself."
And then Pogue took care of him, because he couldn't help himself. It was just what they did, how they were.
There had to come a time when things would be less complicated. ... right?
"Christ. I'd rather not know. I'd really rather not know. What he'd do, what she'd do, what her family would do." Caleb's arms were steady and close to meet that wince, the thoughts that went with it. "If she... if we're there, we're not letting him, OK? And if not... I'll talk with her mom, if I need to. Don't know how much or what she's told them, but ... just in case." Chase hadn't knocked the girls around, though, back then. He'd done... "... knock her around or try any of what he was doing back then." Almost hiss. "Spiders. So not letting him pull anything like that off."
Ginny. Ginny with Chase's child. "She talks about him as somebody who knows what he is and cares about him anyway." Quietly. "And that's its own kind of scary. Not in the least because Chase is so off the handle, and if he's badly off, that'd make her badly off, and..." Small shrug. "If he messes up, I don't intend to go easy on him. But for all I want to just beat him into getting things and behaving sensibly," and Pogue probably knew perfectly well he didn't mean firsts and such, "I sort of thing that's not likely to work out. And it's so messed up."
Half-smile in return for his friend's, then slightly slumped shoulders. "I guess. Only this time what the cat dragged in has a long history. And I'm dragging him in too close to you. And Sarah. And everybody. And that... I'm sorry." For putting him through that. For not being able to find a better solution.
"Well, her father knew, anyway," Pogue commented wryly, shifting a bit to scoot up closer to the head of the bed and lean against the headboard. Then Caleb could lean against him if he wanted. "Did you see the way he looked at us? I'm betting, though, that he doesn't know who Chase is or at least what he looks like. Don't know about her Mom..." Though from the looks of it her Mom knew very well who Chase was, and even if she didn't know what he looked like, knew that he wasn't likely to be turning up calmly at their front door.
"Any of it. Anything he could do, it's not... Safe. He's not safe," Pogue added, or maybe corrected. Just in general, Chase was about as far from safe as you could get. Which was what he didn't understand about the way she talked about him, if she did know who he was, and cared about him anyway, and where did that make sense? "She... he could kill her. And the kid. Hell, why was she sleeping with him in the first place, if..." But it wasn't his place to recommend or protect her or anything. So he shut his mouth and stayed quiet.
"Anyway." Pogue sighed after a moment. "Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. Did last time."
Caleb stood for a moment, blinking at the pulling away. Then registered, and did move up after Pogue, not quite curling up against him, but in a way, almost as good as. He was ... too deep into doubting himself just now, his friend being there seemed the only thing to clutch for. Cling to. Pogue wasn't telling him to deal with it alone. To clear up the mess he'd gotten them involved into. That was... something. A lot. Now only to not mess it up... which wouldn't be resolved tonight. But he was aware of the need.
His voice was quieter and more subdued when he started talking again. Pogue. Pogue did know how to get him down off some places. Agreeing to the rest. This. Here. Safer, away from the problems. Not denying their existence, just being safe from them. His arm slung over Pogue's chest slowly, and he let himself feel the texture of the clothes under his fingers. Here, now. It's alright. It's going to be okay. "They might know some, not all? I don't know. I think we'll... probably all of us. Will get to there or somewhere else where we can learn things, because this is... big. And it's all linked together, probably. The way Ginny is, it's probably linked with what her powers are, as well as who the people who raised her are. The way she is will determine the way she will act. All of a piece. Just... a very very big piece. Which could fall down on people's heads, and that... wouldn't be good. Or safe. No, he's not not safe. None of this is safe. But," his lips quirked up very slightly, "I'm not sure we ever were perfectly safe, ourselves."
And no, he had nothing on why or how in the first place. That was, Ginny had talked about it, but, uh. ... "Chase... when I pressed him about... the whole thing. When I was getting close to home, I guess. His words were along the lines of, that no, he hadn't meant to fuck a virgin and get her pregnant. And he meant that and didn't mean it like that. He'd... before that. He'd talked of what she likes. He'd talked like somebody who had paid attention. Which figures, if they were together for months. But I mean..." Squeezing his eyes shut. "He's just so damn complicated. Unless you keep that in mind all the time, he'll just... get under your skin." In a way which was very real, Caleb did hate Chase Collins. If only he could just stick with that alone.
"Yeah. We will, and we did." Fingers curling slightly, very little bit. It hadn't been soon enough. But they had. "Pogue... do you think we should talk with your and Reid's and Tyler's fathers?"
Pogue's eyes widened at the comment about virgins. Not so much that it was Chase or that Chase had said it like that, because it sounded like something Chase would say. But that Chase had known, or been aware of, or paid attention enough afterwards to know that was a very serious and bad thing. That Chase had been upset by what he'd done, to Ginny, showed that he cared in some way what Ginny felt or what she thought, or at least what Caleb thought about her. That, as far as Pogue knew, had never happened. Chase never cared about anyone but himself. Except, apparently, when he did. And that was going to take a hell of a lot of getting used to, for Pogue.
This, though. Wouldn't take any getting used to at all. One arm around Caleb's shoulders and just letting his friend relax there, settling back. Letting them both relax. Hiding in a hotel room, not so bad, where they could get a decent night's sleep and start back when they wanted to in the morning, where they didn't have to talk about anything they didn't want to or deal with anything but each other. Their own little microcosm with no pressures from the outside world. Sometimes Caleb needed that. Sometimes Pogue suspected that was why Caleb had lived at home instead of on the Spenser campus, especially after his father had taken that last turn for the worst. Just to be able to shut the rest of the world out and take some moments for himself when he needed to. He might have done the same.
"We can figure out Ginny's powers later, then," Pogue said, making it half a recommendation and half a decision. It was upsetting Caleb. Hell, it was upsetting him, but it didn't have a time limit on it as far as he knew and that meant it could be put under less urgent things. "and how that works. I don't... no, I don't think we should talk to them until we've figured out what to say, what's going on. Chase, this kid..."
Ugh. He hated even saying the words. But if Caleb thought Chase had been paying attention to her... "Do you think he actually is, um. You know. Attracted to her?" Okay, so he still couldn't say it. In love. It just didn't compute. He was still thinking over the other fathers thing, but he was still sure that they shouldn't say anything until they had something more organized to present.
Caleb didn't quite see the widening of the eyes, but he did feel the way Pogue's breath caught, a tiny little bit. It was... yes, going to take a lot of getting used to. Caleb would roll with it as it came, and then process. And it was catching up with him. So he could definitely understand. Couldn't change any of it. But he understood how confusing it was. Too much, too fast. No. It was okay now. Nothing new, just them. It was okay.
Taking time for themselves wasn't that bad as coping mechanisms went, either. Nobody could run on fumes forever, or something. They were doing their best to behave decently and make things right. Time off, whoever might begrudge that should go mind their own business. Time off together, that was even better.
He accepted Pogue's half-decision with a small nod. No time limit. "Maybe. ... probably you're right. I just... last time, I chose not to tell them because. Chase threatened them, too, and I thought it was a mistake, later. Now he's not threatening anybody, but this is just... big. On the other hand... Chances are that we four--" or five, "--will get to deal with that in the long term--" inasmuch as long term wasn't a shady concept for them "--so..." Caleb turned his face up to smile a very little bit at his friend. "I guess that makes sense." Or at least it sort of did, in Caleb's mind. Whether or not his words did, that might be another matter.
Then he frowned a bit at the last question. "Kind of? I mean, I'd say that if anything that Chase did or ... I guess felt? Went in something resembling to a straight line. Except it's all screwed up with him, so whatever it is, it don't mean he couldn't or wouldn't push her around or... worse. But as Ginny pointed out... there are a lot of men who's have just left things alone if they got told they'd be fathers without a way to contact the mother back. Which would have been easier, probably." Then he thought of how Chase had grown up, and while he really didn't think Ginny would let that ignorance happen... "Or maybe not." He turned his face a bit into Pogue's chest. "He's such a mess. Almost as if he likes making things so damn complicated. Except..." Tiny shrug. He didn't seem to have planned any of this.
"Yeah, but this is different." Pogue's arm tightened a little around Caleb. "Which is probably why it's so messed up. He isn't threatening anyone, at least, not that I can tell. He's not trying to get anything from us. He's not even trying to get anything from Ginny, is he?" And the way Ginny had talked about him, he probably could. Pogue wasn't comfortable with that thought at all. Chase could be charming, yeah, he'd charmed Kate. He'd charmed Caleb for a few days. But that didn't mean he was comfortable witht he idea of the psycho freak being able to get what he wanted from someone who knew what he was. That implied disturbing things about him. Or her. He'd put her up on a fairly high pedestal and he wasn't ready to let her off of it yet.
"Maybe him contacting her is a way to try and get something from...." No. No, it wasn't, and Ginny was right. Caleb was right. "Man. Chase, as a father. I can't... how the ... He's not ... ready. He's not suitable, it's insane. The idea of him as anyone's Dad? It's insane." He'll tell that to Caleb. Not to Chase's face, not when the other young man might take serious offense to it or, worse, do soemthing to prove him right. But Pogue had serious misgivings. "He's insane and unstable and leaving him alone with a kid is just asking for something bad to happen." Crib death. Shaken baby syndrome. Maybe he'd been watching too much Law and Order.
Whatever Ginny had done or not done, told or not told them, she did'nt deserve that. And the kid definitely didn't deserve that.
"I dunno. Not like he'd ever tell me. Or anyone other than her, I guess." Which was another reason for not letting her alone with him, for example. "But we'll figure it out when we come to that. I think he was just ... confused." And Caleb might be wrong about it, though he didn't think so. It didn't make Chase in any way safer than if he was malicious. But at least... something. Confused could be nudged and lined up into behaving. Menacing... as demonstrated, needed to be overpowered, which had its own numerous dangers. "Tacky, either which way."
As for Ginny on a pedestal... that had shattered around him when he wasn't looking, trying to find things out from Chase. And he'd turned around and she'd been just a friend, somebody he could doubt, and question, and look at and see how tired and confused she was and knowing that she needed friends, she needed support, whatever it was. But also that she had way more about her than she'd let on, and they'd earned her probably favorable opinion, but they were still... outcasts. That word made his mouth twist, but he let it go. They could go back to that another time.
Caleb chuckled, very very dryly. "He's insane. And it's insane. And he might even know it. And hell, I don't really think anybody seriously considers leaving him alone with the baby." Quietly. "But he's..." Like them. "If the baby's a boy... Nobody deserves to grow up alone and not knowing, the way Chase did. You know what difference knowing makes, and it's hard enough even with it. The point being, not that I'm feeling particularly charitable at Chase - but that we might end up... we should end up spending some time with it if it's a boy especially. And that's so screwed up." He squeezed his eyes shut. "But he'd have to know. And he'd have to have examples that would be different from his crazy father." And maybe Caleb's voice ... did something at that last comment. Thinking of his own father and growing up with knowing that and...
... maybe he clutched against Pogue's close a bit more with that, again. He'd had better examples and he was having all the support he could wish for, and he was damn grateful, he was.
Pogue just held him tighter at that. Hearing his voice, feeling the shift in his body, it wasn't hard to guess where that came from. Pogue had watched his friend grow up with a father who had been more bent on self indulgence and self destruction than anything else. Yes, his son and his family had come a close second to William Danvers's affections, but in the end it was the Power that called the strongest. He and the other two, with healthy and intact fathers and families, had tried in quiet ways to make up for it. But it still hurt. And he still wished he could fix it somehow, had the feeling that his father and at least Reid's father wished the same. Somehow.
Right now, all he could think of to do was just be there. Which he was. Right there, holding on, holding on tight with a tight hug and fingers stroking through his friend's hair, one hand rubbing over his back. Father issues be damned, some things were simple. This was simple. He and his friends were there for each other, and right now he was there for Caleb. "He'll have better examples," he said, not realizing entirely that this both accepted Chase as a father figure for the unborn child and put himself as a father figure, too. "I... No. No one's going to leave psycho boy alone with that kid. And..." He didn't want to feel sorry for Chase. Actually, he found it easy not to feel sorry for Chase. "Yeah. No, he'll grow up knowing. Everything we can teach him."
We, here used to mean Ginny as well, which he wasn't sure what that involved but he wasn't going to bring up that she might know as much or more than they did. That was upsetting enough. "Hey, maybe we'll get lucky and Chase will..." Disappear. Get institutionalized. Die. All kinds of fun ways the crazy could be removed from the child's life. Some of them violent. God, he really wanted to pound Chase's face in, and some of that fury translated into an even tighter grip on Caleb before he realized and let go, somewhat. Let go. God, that was...
"Sometimes," he started, slowly. "Just... sometimes... Especially now. Maybe it would be better if he just... went away. I mean, I just..." Pogue swallowed, licked his lips. "I still wanna give him a close personal introduction with my front wheel. And maybe it would be better for the kid if he weren't there for his 0th birthday. But... I don't know. I just don't know."
He wasn't used to feeling this murderous. It made him uncomfortable.
Caleb understood, though. (And yes, he did appreciate the wordless support, there. That whole thing had gotten partly eased and partly complicated and compounded by William's final action in life, and had ended up in something Caleb had no clue how to deal with. Just one how NOT to deal with it. Chase. But he didn't know how anyone could help. Including himself. No idea who could fix it. Understanding and keeping him from sliding that way, at least, did help a lot. He hoped, also in the long run.) Caleb understood the want to just remove the problem, once and for all. Except every time he really thought about it...
"I know." He propped his head a on his hand, elbow on the pillows, the other arm not shifting away from Pogue's chest at all. Just to be able to see him a bit better. "I don't think it would be that simple," as an accident. Past experience considered. "But I know the consideration. But I just... can't." Caleb swallowed. "Back then, when he'd hurt, was hurting just about everything, everybody that mattered to me, I was so angry. And powered up, and I... even then, I didn't look for him when he'd fallen in the barn, not to finish the job. But I thought I left him in there." Was letting somebody die better than killing him yourself? Caleb didn't know. "God, he manages to twist us up all right and proper, doesn't he?"
Closing his eyes for a moment, he tried to calm down. Again. Fingers tightening on Pogue's shirt. Again. "It's so complicated that I don't actually know which is worse for the kid. Or, actually. Letting Chase raise a kid, that might be the worst solution." Wry, very wry. Since nobody was ever going to allow that to happen. "I just wonder... if how I've seen him changed... if it's not knowing about having a child." All the signs of awareness pointed that way, maybe. ... or at least it was interpretation. The only one that remotely made anything like sense. "I know that he won't ever be anything resembling sane. Or even less, safe. I know that him entirely out of the picture might be the clearest solution. And yet I don't... I don't know. Maybe there's a chance for him to steady. Maybe there's a chance for him to learn." Small twitch of his lips. "And I'm not sure he won't give us an opening to pound his face in, anyway." Not that provoked would make it any better, but defense and self-defense...
... and back down his head went against Pogue's shoulder, chest. "I wish he'd stayed away... no, for Ginny and the kid's sake, not even that. I wish he'd not gotten anybody pregnant, though. I wish that a lot."
"I know," Pogue murmured, one arm tight around his shoulders, one hand rubbing up and down along his upper arm. "Hell, I bet she wishes it too." But that wasn't an area he was going to touch any further than that one statement. He didn't know her mind on sex, on anything like that, he didn't know what had happened apart from that she hadn't... yeah. Whether or not they'd used protection, and thinking about it made his head hurt so he just stopped right there.
The rest of it... made sense. Inasmuch as anything else about Chase made sense. "God, I can't imagine what it would be like, suddenly getting told..." Which got him sidetracked on that. If Kate had turned up pregnant. They'd had one brief scare they'd never told anyone about, realizing the condom broke and then spending the next couple of months halfway panicked and all the way jumpy before they determined that, no, not possible. He'd forgotten about that until just now. Funny, what the mind could make you forget. "Man, when... the summer between junior and senior year. Right before Kate went off to whatever that was, that internship thing. We had this thing, you remember... did you notice? It was... seemed like everyone could just tell, then. We were fooling around right before she left and somehow, I don't know, we didn't notice until we were cleaning up and... Man. I've never been so scared in my life." Which wasn't probably true. But it was a whole other kind of terror.
"I mean... and that was just six weeks or something. And it wasn't even real. This is for real. I can't imagine what it'd be like to ... to know you're going be a Dad. I ... I mean, dealing with ..." He couldn't quite bring himself to call Ginny Chase's girlfriend. "The whole pregnancy thing is bad enough, and then the kid's... there's a kid. A little sc..." Pogue just sort of trailed off but now he was thinking about it, distracted with thinking about it. A little tiny screaming person who would grow up to be a person they could talk to and ride bikes with and who would go to school and, and now he was thinking about himself as a kid. How their parents had had this experience. First a baby, then a child, then a full-grown person. The thought made him physically dizzy. "How the hell, of all of us, how did he end up being a father..." It came out quiet, and wondering. And maybe a little jealous.
"Chance and cosmic irony? Plus the fact that none of us has considered being old enough for something like that?" And Caleb was so mixed up about that. What if he had a son, and he ended up not being unable to handle the power? Or if Caleb himself lost control, spinning yet another generation of his family's vicious circle? Could he do that to his son? Would he?
Why didn't he have a choice, to spare him that?
"And because he's an idiot who doesn't just choose to not exercise control. I have the feeling that he might not be able to." And they both knew that control wasn't the easiest thing in life. Over and over again, every day. Chase just spilled that over... everything in his life.
Caleb tried to shake that away and focused on Pogue, frowning a little, thinking back, connecting the dots. "I knew something was wrong and you were stung out. But you looked nervous enough that I didn't want to press and make it harder. And then it was gone and..." Faint smile. "You looked kind of more... content." Happy. Both he and Kate had looked happier. Relieved, he guessed now. And then Kate had left, and then at the end of the vacation, there'd been ... Chase. And other things, folding upon each other for all of them. Small wonder if he'd forgotten about it. "Then I didn't want to be nosy, I figured, if it was something important..." Pogue would tell him. Which he just did. And if something was really going wrong, one or the other would tell him, as had happened when things could use fixing. Okay, Kate hadn't told him, precisely, but she'd ranted at him. Which, for angry and confused Kate, was about the same.
"Never more scared in your life? Man, six weeks is a long time." Teasing. And also a little relieved, that through all the close calls, he had never given his friend a worse scare. Pogue did have his priorities straight, and that was good. He'd also managed to help Caleb wind down. Nothing was solved. But the whole thing... slowly, they were breaking it down. Looking at different aspects, seeing where each of the issues, or at least the big issues, lay. Classifying them, being on the same page, being... themselves. It was still just as big. But at least now Caleb didn't feel quite like it was going to swallow him and drown him and all that he cared about. "You know that if something happens..." because accidents do happen, even when people are careful "... you're not alone, alright?" Which. Chase didn't have. Not that Caleb was thinking about him in that context right now.
"Well, yeah, there is that." He knew he wasn't old enough for something like that. Apart from the fact that the thought of it scared him, which, he figured it would scare any sane man. And even apparently some of the not so sane ones. Apart from that, he had college. He had plans. Financially, sure, any one of them could support a family just off of family money and the trust funds, but did they have the time? The sense of responsibility? Hell no. He still liked going out on his bike for long rides whenever he wanted way too much.
"It could have been," Pogue shrugged. If it had turned out to be a real issue, a real pregnancy, yeah. Pogue would have told him. He would have told all of them, but it wasn't, so he didn't. And then things had come around, school, Chase. Fighting with Kate. Off and on, until it turned out to be that fighting was more on and their relationship was more off and finally they had both just decided it would be easier on everyone to be apart. And that had hurt. There hadn't really been anyone serious since then, although there had been some longer relationships than others. But still. Nothing like this. "It wasn't," he smiled a little. "And yeah. I know." One hand squeezing his shoulder a little. He'd never doubted that the boys would all stand together if something like that happened. Though so far, thank god, it hadn't. Just the one scare on his part, and if Caleb or Reid or Tyler had had similar issues they hadn't said anything.
And that was that for Chase. He wasn't going to bring up the issue of Chase maybe not being able to exercise control; they'd had enough talking about him for one day. About as much as would be productive.
"And, you know the same, right?" Of course he did. "Though, man. Somehow I can't picture... I just can't see you panicking like I did." Which was gentle teasing, really. Getting someone pregnant as young as they were was always cause for panic.
It was teasing alright... well. To most, he probably wouldn't look panicked, but of all people, Pogue would know. Just a different variety of panic.
Caleb turned his face up, leaning his chin on Pogue's chest - partly so that his friend could see his smile, and partly to look at him. Because he also knew Kate... and especially the fact that they broke up - wasn't easy for Pogue to think about. He'd known it had hurt, he'd known that both of them had mattered to each other and... yes, he was concerned how he was right now. His voice was quiet and steady. "Yeah. I know." Then he grinned a bit more. "I'd have to drag you out of your usual irresponsible state and shove the obligations of a godfather on you, you know."
So many ifs about that, the way he was presently. Not whens, even, ifs. But if a child of him was to happen, hell yeah, it would be Pogue's godchild. And he suspected that if-or-when any of them had sons, they'd be also raised together. As the four of them had been. Theirs. Of the Covenant. But with the four of them, it wasn't just traditional, or bound by the magic, or inherited. They were ... well, the four of them. The sons if Ipswich. The bond between them? It was there because they wanted it, because it was theirs. And they had each other's back, any way they could realize they needed each other. Including when the time came for passing on the bloodlines, and hell that sounded. ...
"You're right. It's scary." He didn't sound scared. But that was because he was Caleb. And because he was coming back to normal, and could make a little light of it. Well, not exactly light. More like believable 'it's okay'. "But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it?" Slight amusement at the cliché. And its applicability. Because, really. None of the four of them was rushing that way. Uncharacteristically wisely.
"Damn right it's scary," he chuckled, grinned at his friend. "But, you know, I think you'd make a great father." And while he could elaborate on that if it looked like Caleb needed the encouragement, Pogue by no means meant right now. Which, that might need saying. "Whenever you decide to go for it." Not right now. But when he did, he had no doubt that Caleb would be a great father. Caring, attentive, practical. All the kinds of things a father needed to be, a good father. He'd just have to keep reminding Caleb of that.
And now things were better. They had the luxury of teasing each other about the prospect of parenthood with it still being far away, the idea of raising kids all together, as a family... as a group of families but still a family nonetheless. "So, if I'm the godfather, does that make Reid the crazy uncle who drives everyone nuts because the kid wants to do everything he does and most of that's either unsafe or just a bad idea? He's the flashy one who is all 'cool.'" Pogue even made air quotes. "And Tyler gets to be the ... something, I don't know, I guess we'll figure it out when it happens." Somewhere between the uncle who related best to the kids because he was the youngest or maybe the wise bookish one or something. Either way. They'd all have a part to play in the lives of the next generation.
Which was still far off. "It's terrifying," he admitted, without hesitation. "Yeah, let's make sure that bridge is really far away, huh?"
Caleb... sighed slightly and his eyes tightened just a little bit, even if the faint smile didn't get chased away completely. "If I am," he said quietly, "I think that will be a clear break from family tradition." Then his lips stretched further. "I am such a notorious rebel, you know. I think I can handle it."
Then he chuckled slightly over the speech about Reid. "He so can take up that role," another lips twitch. "No sweat. And Tyler gets to be the one who brings in the best presents?" The kid did have a good taste, and Caleb knew he shouldn't keep on thinking of Tyler as the kid, but right now, he was relaxing after that all, and it was still true, a little. He'd watch himself - well enough, later.
For now, he leaned back down, face against Pogue's shirt, then sideways, cheek against his chest again. It was comfortable, and nice. And comforting. And while the dizzying need for it was alleviated, he could still appreciate it, greatly. "I'm not rushing into anything." Into having a child, into growing older - either of the ways, into ... getting anywhere, right now.
"Good." Pogue grinned. "Because I know you're so the rushing into things type." Yes, he was teasing. Yes, he was being a dork. But that was what they needed and were doing now. Making things easier a little bit at a time because a sudden change would have been even more stressful. But now they were down almost to relaxed again. Relaxed and easy.
"Tyler gets to be the one who brings the good presents. Reid'll probably bring toys that make noise to the kids when they're really little."
"Rushing into..." ... and then Caleb started laughing. Low, slow laugh. Something struck, along the lines of, what a great pair they made, one rushing off to do things and the other rushing into things, but the words just scattered. He didn't feel like chasing after them; instead just holding on and laughing.
In the end, he just responded to all of it with a light, "we just make an awesome team like that. And that's the truth of it." A beat. "And our kids will probably end up almost as spoiled as us." Probably more, and Caleb was aware of it. But let's not get carried away with ambition, right?
"Probably. Especially since we'll all be spoiling each other's kids," Pogue chuckled, loving the sound of that laugh. The sound of Caleb, happy, and even if he couldn't quite see him as well as he sometimes liked to he could imagine that smile on his friend's face, so bright. It was good. It was way better than earlier.
"We really do make an awesome team," he half-murmured. How late was it, even?
Not nearly late enough for a party night. And more than late enough after a day like the recent few they'd had. Or Caleb'd had... no, Pogue, too. It was just not. simple. But right now, it was alright. "We so would."
And the chuckle made that smile stay even longer. Not the wide sunny thing, more a content, calm smile that just... still warmed things. And Caleb looked up a bit. "So, teammate." Smile-turned-grin. "Shall we go hunt up some food... or not bother?" It was a hotel. Well, motel. There should be something. Right?
"Not unless you want room service." He really didn't feel up to hunting anything. He didn't feel up to much of anything except lying here and exchanging quiet banter, settling down, letting them both drift off to sleep whenever they managed it. That sounded like the best possible end to the whacked-out day they'd had. "You want room service?"
"Nah, they'd skin us alive." Which was obviously totally a joke, considering their financial, well, lack of problems. "I'm good." And when he said that, he realized that it was true - in a more overall sense than just not starving ... enough to stir. Drifting off like this just really seemed like a wonderful idea. A beat. "Do you?"
"Nah." Pogue could eat. He could always eat, but he didn't have to right now. And he didn't want to move enough to sit up and eat. They needed the rest more than they needed to eat right now. To rest, like this, tonight. He'd eat the kitchen for breakfast in the morning.
For now, since he could, since there was no one else there to say anything, even Reid, he just carded his fingers through Caleb's hair and relaxed into the bed. "Might as well just crash."
Oh he liked that touch, and responded by shifting slightly, fitting more comfortably to Pogue's body than the initial... hurting curling up. They might need to stir anyway to use the facilities or undress, but that could wait, too. "Yeah. Might as well."
And it might be later when he murmured a quiet, drowsy, but totally real, "thanks."
It was late afternoon by the time they started back from Ginny's home.
Caleb was trying to process. The car's purr, its reaction to barely a touch. Pogue's presence. Little safe things that helped him not fly to pieces, or rather burst, with all that he'd learned over - was it three days or so only? Two days? Too short a time, anyway.
It resulted in him being quiet. He'd reply when Pogue spoke, not absent-mindedly, but overall, it would probably be... just answering the immediate question or topic and quieting down again.
Dusk was falling when he saw a motel and just pulled over and stopped. He ran his hand over his face, and turned to meet his friend's questioning look. "A break. You know, bathroom, whatever." A breath. "Or... overnight. I'm not exactly in a hurry to get back and deal with him."
They were over halfway back. It would have been no problem to press on and be home tonight. He could do it. But he could use a break.
Pogue eyed his friend and shook his head. Caleb was distracted. Upset. He didn't think you even needed to know the man for as long as Pogue had to tell that. "Overnight," he said, with an added little jaw-clench for the thought of dealing with Chase. He didn't want Caleb to have to deal with Chase. "I can deal with him when we get back, if you want me to." He'd be glad to deal with Chase. He'd be glad to deal with him once and for all if he thought he could get away with it, except, Ginny. Her and the child changed things.
He wondered if Ginny and the child were the only things that changed things or if Caleb was keeping something else quiet about the lost son of Ipswich. He was betting there was more Caleb hadn't said, although with all the information they'd gotten dumped on them in the last few days it was hard enough for him to sort through. He couldn't imagine what was running through Caleb's mind right now.
"Let's stop for the night, though," he did say, nodding, rubbing his palms on his jeans. "Give the guys a call, tell them we're stopping over. You could use the break, anyway." The sideways look he gave his friend wouldn't let him argue on that at the very least, even if he was inclined to.
Seeing as Caleb was the one who... asked for said break, he wasn't going to argue. "Yeah. The guys. Mom." The usual drill. "That'd be good." He frowned slightly at the suggestion of Pogue dealing with Chase. "Maybe. We'll see, if I can't... although I'm not sure it'll be easier for you." Even if straightforward was likely. Except Chase wasn't reacting well to straightforward.
Caleb shook his head and smiled a bit. "We'll see." No, there were no secrets kept on purpose. Although there may yet be revelations. "Let's go?..." One eyebrow quirked up. "One room? Or two?" Why yes, he could tease a bit. Now that the conversation with Ginny... had happened. He didn't know if it had gone well or not, couldn't decide yet. It hadn't exploded in their faces, so that was something?
"What, you got tired of my snoring already?" Pogue laughed as he hopped out of the car. "Anyway, I'm up for it if you are," seeing Chase, that was. As they headed to book the room. He didn't care so much about easier or not easier, just easier on Caleb. Chase he could give a shit about. He'd never liked Chase, not even from the beginning before they knew what he was.
With Ginny... he wasn't sure how to feel about that. Except that she'd been nice, and sweet, and he'd liked her when they'd met. She'd been one of those genuinely good girls, if softer than he was used to. Not as out there as most women were these days, and something in that had brought out something in him. Maybe some white knight looking for a damsel to rescue. He made a face at himself as they booked the room, got the key. God, was he really thinking this? Him as the white knight, her as the damsel? "Man, I need my head examined," he muttered.
The quiet comment suddenly made Caleb giggle. An untypical sound, overall. Maybe a bit too sharp. "I think that's going around. You think we can all go for some sort of group therapy?"
Into the room, door closed. That just felt... good right now. He just stopped a few steps from the door and stood... still, shoulders dropping. Eyes closed.
Pogue started to move around him and stopped at that sound. It wasn't a sound that he was comfortable hearing from any one of his friends. It reminded him of Chase. And he really didn't like that. "Maybe, but where'd we find the therapist..." he moved in closer, one hand on Caleb's shoulder, forehead slightly bowed towards his friend's.
"You okay, man?" All thoughts of Ginny forgotten, or at least, most thoughts. The ones he'd had a moment ago so thoroughly forgotten he didn't remember to be relieved that he was no longer thinking them. All of it, focused on his friend.
Caleb blinked his eyes open and at his friend. "Yeah, I'm... I don't know." The usual reaction of reassuring everybody. And then the honest answer. Because it was the two of them and he didn't always need to keep it all wound up, wasn't that what Pogue had said... years ago? He took a deep breath, then took a step - closer to Pogue. Close. "I don't know. It's too much, too fast. And too much is hitting... home. In different way." He looked down.
Then he bumped his forehead against Pogue's shoulder, in the kind of familiar gesture. "Too fast."
"Tell me," was all he said, simply, arms coming around him tight and strong and automatic. This was what they were. This was what they did. His friend, brother, someone he cared about very much, was tired. Was hurting. He could be there, and listen. So he would.
Caleb clung. At least it felt to him that way, but he held on to his friend, hard, close.
He just stood like that for a few moments. Caught between the want for honesty and the worry of how it would mess up with Pogue, because it was him that Chase had hit hardest last time. He was the one who'd ended up in the hispital, and that thought made him clutch a trifle harder.
"I'm... sorry. Might not be easy on you, either. It just..." Deep breath. And then he just... started talking. Quietly, almost mechanically, though he doubted many would confuse that with calm. About the conversations he'd had with Chase. The mind screwery. The differences. Not big, not an 'improvement', but there were differences, changes. They'd touched on that while talking with Ginny. That Chase had seemed genuinely upset about the whole thing. How it's become absurd to get information straight of him, where there had used to be ... ravings about what he was going to do. How now the information he got from him, he only could get sideways, and that was weird.
"And he's toned down using. Like... he got angry, his moods swing like a yo-yo. He powered up, eyes black, everything. And he didn't do anything." Somewhere along the way, he'd probably crumpled a little against Pogue. Not as in hanging on his neck, more hiding his face against him. Talking about something behind that door, which was different from in here. That wasn't here. Chase wasn't here, even if they were talking about him.
Pogue held him tighter, and by the end of it he was clinging almost as much as Caleb. It didn't make sense. This wasn't the simple, power-hungry bastard they'd run into their senior year, this was something else. Someone else. "Then again," he mumbled, half to himself. "Finding out you have a kid would change anyone."
But he shook his head slightly, one hand rubbing over Caleb's back. Maybe along the back of his neck a little. He didn't know what he'd do or how he'd change if he suddenly found out a one-night stand had gotten pregnant from that escapade. He was surprised that Chase was genuinely upset, that he registered the existance of someone outside himself, and said so. "Do you think he's talking sideways because it's personal..." and the idea of Chase actually having a personal life and personal business was just as odd. "Or because ..."
But he didn't know what the rest of it could be.
He shook his head, feeling Caleb's breath tickle and warm his skin. "I don't know... about the not using. He was using just to smack you around in the pool in front of everyone, to throw darklings, he was using like there was no tomorrow and now, nothing? At all?" It seemed impossible. Incredible. But he trusted Caleb's judgment, so it must be true.
"I think he used on... somebody else. But it was small. Like pinning him to a wall, then letting him down. Nothing like it was." And that was confusing and scary enough. "I've been trying to figure it out, but it's just... we knew too little of him, and too much time has passed. And... Ginny. Not just the baby. That spell. Those were missing pieces. Only I don't know how many more there are." Another breath, still that close. He could smell Pogue from this close, and he was good with that. Better than feeling like the sky would be crumbling over their heads in a moment. "I don't know. I don't know why he came back to Ipswich of all places. I don't think it was just to have us search for her." Wryly, fingers curling into Pogue's clothes. "You know him. He doesn't ask for what he wants. He makes demands."
Caleb unwound enough - just to tug Pogue so they could sit on the bed. Not really letting go. "You're right. He's a psycho. He's dangerous. Unpredictable, and way too powerful for his own good, or any of ours. And I can't... even think of doing what would... I don't know how to ignore him, that's too dangerous. And in a nasty, twisted way, he's one of us. And I don't know..." what to do. Except he ran out of words.
What if he was the one who had gone crazy? For ever paying attention to Chase, for thinking he ws one of them, for considering the change as something that would be more workable. For possibly exposing them all to more danger by letting the madman in. Things were spinning, and he kind of nestled his forehead between Pogue's shoulder and neck, to try and stop it. Here, steady. And you're just hanging another stone to weigh him down. Good friend you are, Caleb.
Pogue sat with him, one leg tucked up in front of him and the other dangling off the side of the bed. One arm still around his shoulders, other hand slipping along his back a little. Listening. Both to what Caleb was saying and what he could imagine his friend was thinking even if he didn't say it. "I still don't think he's one of us," Pogue said after a moment or two of silence, just of sitting together. But it was more than that. "We barely know the guy. All we know about him is what he tells us and what we saw in his file. We know he swims a mean freestyle, we know he's not shy about killing people and he's got more power than he deserves. We know he has sex." Pogue made a face because he cuold have stood not to think about that. "Or did at some point in the past. And we know he plays decent fusball and that's about it. That's not one of us. That's a stranger."
As for the rest of it, the baby... "I can't think why he came back to Ipswich either. Except, kind of... yeah. He is kind of one of us, he has the power. Our kind of power..." Which, there were different kinds? "And since when can Ginny do spells?" That was starting to hurt, now that it was catching up with him. His distressed damsel becoming a distressing damsel.
He hugged Caleb a little tighter. "I don't know what to do either, man. Maybe we need someone like an actual head-shrinker to take a look at him." Although he could imagine Chase's reaction to that. "Maybe we need... I don't know what we need to do. And no, he doesn't ask for what he wants. He takes it." Pogue shivered ever so slightly, feeling the cold again of that road, bones breaking under the power, pain all through his body that wasn't half so bad as his fear for Caleb and Kate. "Probably, if he's not going for it this time, he doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he's back here because this was the last time he can remember knowing what he wanted."
This close, Caleb could definitely feel the shudder, and his arms tightened around Pogue in turn. Screw you, Chase Pope. His anger flared briefly, a tingle in his fingertips, behind his eyes. His voice was quiet but tight, very tight. "He'll never be one of us in any manner near to how we're us. Ever." Statement. Promise that it's not what Caleb's working towards. Reassurance. All of those. "Nor will I allow him to get to any of you as he did." Swallow. "Chase, or anyone else."
It stung. Ginny's lies to them stung, even if they'd brought them no harm. Even if they had, in a way, only brought har to her. It was still a betrayal. "She kept us in the dark. Didn't directly hurt us, but kept us in the dark. I wonder for how many generations has that been the case. Them watching us. Like mice in a cage. And we thought we were the ones that had the power. The ones who could do things." Anger. Anger made it possible to think of that without his stomach doing cartwheels. Anger, and a tinge of power...
Caleb took a breath, and straightened. And forced himself to let go. No using without very good reason. No. He wouldn't let himself go down that road. Not for Chase. Not for people with power to do what Ginny had done to Chase. Not for feeling like a guinea pig. Besides... power wasn't the answer. Chase was the prime lesson for that. Slowly, he let his breathing even out. Slowly.
"You're right. He probably doesn't know what he wants. I think." Tired voice. Back to tired, even more tired than it was before his temper flared. "But he's like us. His predecessors... joined the same covenant we did. And he's living the consequences, harder than any of us. If we could get him to a shrink... that might be beneficial." Wryly. "If he'd admit there was something wrong with thim for them to fix. Or doesn't bolt as soon as they hit on something." At least no or very little nausea. For now. "... and he doesn't play fusball that well."
His turn, just for a moment, to tuck his head into Caleb's shoulder. The tighter embrace, the sound of his voice helped. Even if it was laced with anger. He could hear it, he knew what angry Caleb sounded like. And he knew when Caleb was overburdening himself with guilt or responsibility. "We won't let him. Or anyone," he corrected. It wasn't Caleb's responsibility to take care of them. It was all of their responsibilities to take care of them. Depending on who needed it at the time.
Ginny, he wasn't sure what to do about her. She didn't tell them. She probably had been under orders not to tell them. "She was probably just following orders," he thought out loud. She didn't seem like the type to actually keep something from them of their own free will, not if she thought it would help them. "Wh..." No. He didn't want to go down that line of thinking. Not with what it was apparently doing to Caleb. They were already wound up enough, the both of them, they didn't need to make it worse.
"He'd probably ..." Pogue didn't know. Didn't want to think about it. "I don't know. I don't think a shrink would last very long with him, but... hell. I guess if there's others..." No, they weren't going to talk about that, remember? "Anyway," he straightened. "Do you think Ginny can still handle her own with him? Even with the kid? Or... I mean, we don't know anything about how her powers work. She might be able to take care of herself better than we can take care of her."
Caleb's arms went protectively around Pogue in turn. Because, God. He nodded slightly, chin brushing against the blond hair. "Yes. We won't." That was true. And they were stronger together, much stronger. Even if he suspected that right now, one of the reasons Chase was listening to him was because he knew that he couldn't just power up and push him around.
One of the reasons.
"Still. Be careful anyway? I know I am, he's... unpredictable. I don't trust him. Not for a moment. I believe some of the things he says, some of the changes. But I don't trust. That would seem... stupid. I don't want any of us to be stupid with him anymore." As Pogue straightened, he looked him in the eye. Weary, worried. "And if what Ginny does... if her spells rebound on her? She might be able to do them, but I don't think it would be wise. Not sure if babies are supposed to undergo that kind of stress or whatever. I want somebody who can use power and make it safe there with them. Even if..." Small pause. "Even if the way he talked about her? The way she talked about ... them? It's so weird."
He sighed, and looked down. "Or maybe I'm an idiot for taking responsibility for any of it. Great, big, damned fool." Quiet for a moment or three. "Maybe she was under orders. That doesn't make me more comfortable with the entire idea." He did want to ask about the unfinished question. But he also trusted Pogue. If it was important, he'd bring it up later. There was nobody he trusted more, in fact.
Later. He'd bring it up later. When things were less complicated.
He did wince at the thought of the spells rebounding on Ginny, on her child. "I don't know, I don't know anything about this, babies... But as much as we get knocked around anyway, when we take him on?" Something bad would happen. He'd throw her up against something and she'd lose the child. "Even if it's safe for her to use her powers, whatever they are, if she pisses him off and he knocks her around and she loses the kid? What d'you think he'd do then?" Pogue was certain it wouldn't be good.
The way Chase talked about her. Pogue hadn't been around for much of that. Most of that. If Caleb said it was odd, though. And the way she had talked about him was pretty odd. He knew Kate had thought he was harmless but Ginny knew what Chase was, a killer. A psychopath. "She talks about him like she doesn't know what he is, and she does. She has to." He didn't understand that. "Anyway," he snorted. "You're not an idiot. You just ..." Half a smile, there. "That's what you do, man, you take care of people. You can't help yourself."
And then Pogue took care of him, because he couldn't help himself. It was just what they did, how they were.
There had to come a time when things would be less complicated. ... right?
"Christ. I'd rather not know. I'd really rather not know. What he'd do, what she'd do, what her family would do." Caleb's arms were steady and close to meet that wince, the thoughts that went with it. "If she... if we're there, we're not letting him, OK? And if not... I'll talk with her mom, if I need to. Don't know how much or what she's told them, but ... just in case." Chase hadn't knocked the girls around, though, back then. He'd done... "... knock her around or try any of what he was doing back then." Almost hiss. "Spiders. So not letting him pull anything like that off."
Ginny. Ginny with Chase's child. "She talks about him as somebody who knows what he is and cares about him anyway." Quietly. "And that's its own kind of scary. Not in the least because Chase is so off the handle, and if he's badly off, that'd make her badly off, and..." Small shrug. "If he messes up, I don't intend to go easy on him. But for all I want to just beat him into getting things and behaving sensibly," and Pogue probably knew perfectly well he didn't mean firsts and such, "I sort of thing that's not likely to work out. And it's so messed up."
Half-smile in return for his friend's, then slightly slumped shoulders. "I guess. Only this time what the cat dragged in has a long history. And I'm dragging him in too close to you. And Sarah. And everybody. And that... I'm sorry." For putting him through that. For not being able to find a better solution.
"Well, her father knew, anyway," Pogue commented wryly, shifting a bit to scoot up closer to the head of the bed and lean against the headboard. Then Caleb could lean against him if he wanted. "Did you see the way he looked at us? I'm betting, though, that he doesn't know who Chase is or at least what he looks like. Don't know about her Mom..." Though from the looks of it her Mom knew very well who Chase was, and even if she didn't know what he looked like, knew that he wasn't likely to be turning up calmly at their front door.
"Any of it. Anything he could do, it's not... Safe. He's not safe," Pogue added, or maybe corrected. Just in general, Chase was about as far from safe as you could get. Which was what he didn't understand about the way she talked about him, if she did know who he was, and cared about him anyway, and where did that make sense? "She... he could kill her. And the kid. Hell, why was she sleeping with him in the first place, if..." But it wasn't his place to recommend or protect her or anything. So he shut his mouth and stayed quiet.
"Anyway." Pogue sighed after a moment. "Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. Did last time."
Caleb stood for a moment, blinking at the pulling away. Then registered, and did move up after Pogue, not quite curling up against him, but in a way, almost as good as. He was ... too deep into doubting himself just now, his friend being there seemed the only thing to clutch for. Cling to. Pogue wasn't telling him to deal with it alone. To clear up the mess he'd gotten them involved into. That was... something. A lot. Now only to not mess it up... which wouldn't be resolved tonight. But he was aware of the need.
His voice was quieter and more subdued when he started talking again. Pogue. Pogue did know how to get him down off some places. Agreeing to the rest. This. Here. Safer, away from the problems. Not denying their existence, just being safe from them. His arm slung over Pogue's chest slowly, and he let himself feel the texture of the clothes under his fingers. Here, now. It's alright. It's going to be okay. "They might know some, not all? I don't know. I think we'll... probably all of us. Will get to there or somewhere else where we can learn things, because this is... big. And it's all linked together, probably. The way Ginny is, it's probably linked with what her powers are, as well as who the people who raised her are. The way she is will determine the way she will act. All of a piece. Just... a very very big piece. Which could fall down on people's heads, and that... wouldn't be good. Or safe. No, he's not not safe. None of this is safe. But," his lips quirked up very slightly, "I'm not sure we ever were perfectly safe, ourselves."
And no, he had nothing on why or how in the first place. That was, Ginny had talked about it, but, uh. ... "Chase... when I pressed him about... the whole thing. When I was getting close to home, I guess. His words were along the lines of, that no, he hadn't meant to fuck a virgin and get her pregnant. And he meant that and didn't mean it like that. He'd... before that. He'd talked of what she likes. He'd talked like somebody who had paid attention. Which figures, if they were together for months. But I mean..." Squeezing his eyes shut. "He's just so damn complicated. Unless you keep that in mind all the time, he'll just... get under your skin." In a way which was very real, Caleb did hate Chase Collins. If only he could just stick with that alone.
"Yeah. We will, and we did." Fingers curling slightly, very little bit. It hadn't been soon enough. But they had. "Pogue... do you think we should talk with your and Reid's and Tyler's fathers?"
Pogue's eyes widened at the comment about virgins. Not so much that it was Chase or that Chase had said it like that, because it sounded like something Chase would say. But that Chase had known, or been aware of, or paid attention enough afterwards to know that was a very serious and bad thing. That Chase had been upset by what he'd done, to Ginny, showed that he cared in some way what Ginny felt or what she thought, or at least what Caleb thought about her. That, as far as Pogue knew, had never happened. Chase never cared about anyone but himself. Except, apparently, when he did. And that was going to take a hell of a lot of getting used to, for Pogue.
This, though. Wouldn't take any getting used to at all. One arm around Caleb's shoulders and just letting his friend relax there, settling back. Letting them both relax. Hiding in a hotel room, not so bad, where they could get a decent night's sleep and start back when they wanted to in the morning, where they didn't have to talk about anything they didn't want to or deal with anything but each other. Their own little microcosm with no pressures from the outside world. Sometimes Caleb needed that. Sometimes Pogue suspected that was why Caleb had lived at home instead of on the Spenser campus, especially after his father had taken that last turn for the worst. Just to be able to shut the rest of the world out and take some moments for himself when he needed to. He might have done the same.
"We can figure out Ginny's powers later, then," Pogue said, making it half a recommendation and half a decision. It was upsetting Caleb. Hell, it was upsetting him, but it didn't have a time limit on it as far as he knew and that meant it could be put under less urgent things. "and how that works. I don't... no, I don't think we should talk to them until we've figured out what to say, what's going on. Chase, this kid..."
Ugh. He hated even saying the words. But if Caleb thought Chase had been paying attention to her... "Do you think he actually is, um. You know. Attracted to her?" Okay, so he still couldn't say it. In love. It just didn't compute. He was still thinking over the other fathers thing, but he was still sure that they shouldn't say anything until they had something more organized to present.
Caleb didn't quite see the widening of the eyes, but he did feel the way Pogue's breath caught, a tiny little bit. It was... yes, going to take a lot of getting used to. Caleb would roll with it as it came, and then process. And it was catching up with him. So he could definitely understand. Couldn't change any of it. But he understood how confusing it was. Too much, too fast. No. It was okay now. Nothing new, just them. It was okay.
Taking time for themselves wasn't that bad as coping mechanisms went, either. Nobody could run on fumes forever, or something. They were doing their best to behave decently and make things right. Time off, whoever might begrudge that should go mind their own business. Time off together, that was even better.
He accepted Pogue's half-decision with a small nod. No time limit. "Maybe. ... probably you're right. I just... last time, I chose not to tell them because. Chase threatened them, too, and I thought it was a mistake, later. Now he's not threatening anybody, but this is just... big. On the other hand... Chances are that we four--" or five, "--will get to deal with that in the long term--" inasmuch as long term wasn't a shady concept for them "--so..." Caleb turned his face up to smile a very little bit at his friend. "I guess that makes sense." Or at least it sort of did, in Caleb's mind. Whether or not his words did, that might be another matter.
Then he frowned a bit at the last question. "Kind of? I mean, I'd say that if anything that Chase did or ... I guess felt? Went in something resembling to a straight line. Except it's all screwed up with him, so whatever it is, it don't mean he couldn't or wouldn't push her around or... worse. But as Ginny pointed out... there are a lot of men who's have just left things alone if they got told they'd be fathers without a way to contact the mother back. Which would have been easier, probably." Then he thought of how Chase had grown up, and while he really didn't think Ginny would let that ignorance happen... "Or maybe not." He turned his face a bit into Pogue's chest. "He's such a mess. Almost as if he likes making things so damn complicated. Except..." Tiny shrug. He didn't seem to have planned any of this.
"Yeah, but this is different." Pogue's arm tightened a little around Caleb. "Which is probably why it's so messed up. He isn't threatening anyone, at least, not that I can tell. He's not trying to get anything from us. He's not even trying to get anything from Ginny, is he?" And the way Ginny had talked about him, he probably could. Pogue wasn't comfortable with that thought at all. Chase could be charming, yeah, he'd charmed Kate. He'd charmed Caleb for a few days. But that didn't mean he was comfortable witht he idea of the psycho freak being able to get what he wanted from someone who knew what he was. That implied disturbing things about him. Or her. He'd put her up on a fairly high pedestal and he wasn't ready to let her off of it yet.
"Maybe him contacting her is a way to try and get something from...." No. No, it wasn't, and Ginny was right. Caleb was right. "Man. Chase, as a father. I can't... how the ... He's not ... ready. He's not suitable, it's insane. The idea of him as anyone's Dad? It's insane." He'll tell that to Caleb. Not to Chase's face, not when the other young man might take serious offense to it or, worse, do soemthing to prove him right. But Pogue had serious misgivings. "He's insane and unstable and leaving him alone with a kid is just asking for something bad to happen." Crib death. Shaken baby syndrome. Maybe he'd been watching too much Law and Order.
Whatever Ginny had done or not done, told or not told them, she did'nt deserve that. And the kid definitely didn't deserve that.
"I dunno. Not like he'd ever tell me. Or anyone other than her, I guess." Which was another reason for not letting her alone with him, for example. "But we'll figure it out when we come to that. I think he was just ... confused." And Caleb might be wrong about it, though he didn't think so. It didn't make Chase in any way safer than if he was malicious. But at least... something. Confused could be nudged and lined up into behaving. Menacing... as demonstrated, needed to be overpowered, which had its own numerous dangers. "Tacky, either which way."
As for Ginny on a pedestal... that had shattered around him when he wasn't looking, trying to find things out from Chase. And he'd turned around and she'd been just a friend, somebody he could doubt, and question, and look at and see how tired and confused she was and knowing that she needed friends, she needed support, whatever it was. But also that she had way more about her than she'd let on, and they'd earned her probably favorable opinion, but they were still... outcasts. That word made his mouth twist, but he let it go. They could go back to that another time.
Caleb chuckled, very very dryly. "He's insane. And it's insane. And he might even know it. And hell, I don't really think anybody seriously considers leaving him alone with the baby." Quietly. "But he's..." Like them. "If the baby's a boy... Nobody deserves to grow up alone and not knowing, the way Chase did. You know what difference knowing makes, and it's hard enough even with it. The point being, not that I'm feeling particularly charitable at Chase - but that we might end up... we should end up spending some time with it if it's a boy especially. And that's so screwed up." He squeezed his eyes shut. "But he'd have to know. And he'd have to have examples that would be different from his crazy father." And maybe Caleb's voice ... did something at that last comment. Thinking of his own father and growing up with knowing that and...
... maybe he clutched against Pogue's close a bit more with that, again. He'd had better examples and he was having all the support he could wish for, and he was damn grateful, he was.
Pogue just held him tighter at that. Hearing his voice, feeling the shift in his body, it wasn't hard to guess where that came from. Pogue had watched his friend grow up with a father who had been more bent on self indulgence and self destruction than anything else. Yes, his son and his family had come a close second to William Danvers's affections, but in the end it was the Power that called the strongest. He and the other two, with healthy and intact fathers and families, had tried in quiet ways to make up for it. But it still hurt. And he still wished he could fix it somehow, had the feeling that his father and at least Reid's father wished the same. Somehow.
Right now, all he could think of to do was just be there. Which he was. Right there, holding on, holding on tight with a tight hug and fingers stroking through his friend's hair, one hand rubbing over his back. Father issues be damned, some things were simple. This was simple. He and his friends were there for each other, and right now he was there for Caleb. "He'll have better examples," he said, not realizing entirely that this both accepted Chase as a father figure for the unborn child and put himself as a father figure, too. "I... No. No one's going to leave psycho boy alone with that kid. And..." He didn't want to feel sorry for Chase. Actually, he found it easy not to feel sorry for Chase. "Yeah. No, he'll grow up knowing. Everything we can teach him."
We, here used to mean Ginny as well, which he wasn't sure what that involved but he wasn't going to bring up that she might know as much or more than they did. That was upsetting enough. "Hey, maybe we'll get lucky and Chase will..." Disappear. Get institutionalized. Die. All kinds of fun ways the crazy could be removed from the child's life. Some of them violent. God, he really wanted to pound Chase's face in, and some of that fury translated into an even tighter grip on Caleb before he realized and let go, somewhat. Let go. God, that was...
"Sometimes," he started, slowly. "Just... sometimes... Especially now. Maybe it would be better if he just... went away. I mean, I just..." Pogue swallowed, licked his lips. "I still wanna give him a close personal introduction with my front wheel. And maybe it would be better for the kid if he weren't there for his 0th birthday. But... I don't know. I just don't know."
He wasn't used to feeling this murderous. It made him uncomfortable.
Caleb understood, though. (And yes, he did appreciate the wordless support, there. That whole thing had gotten partly eased and partly complicated and compounded by William's final action in life, and had ended up in something Caleb had no clue how to deal with. Just one how NOT to deal with it. Chase. But he didn't know how anyone could help. Including himself. No idea who could fix it. Understanding and keeping him from sliding that way, at least, did help a lot. He hoped, also in the long run.) Caleb understood the want to just remove the problem, once and for all. Except every time he really thought about it...
"I know." He propped his head a on his hand, elbow on the pillows, the other arm not shifting away from Pogue's chest at all. Just to be able to see him a bit better. "I don't think it would be that simple," as an accident. Past experience considered. "But I know the consideration. But I just... can't." Caleb swallowed. "Back then, when he'd hurt, was hurting just about everything, everybody that mattered to me, I was so angry. And powered up, and I... even then, I didn't look for him when he'd fallen in the barn, not to finish the job. But I thought I left him in there." Was letting somebody die better than killing him yourself? Caleb didn't know. "God, he manages to twist us up all right and proper, doesn't he?"
Closing his eyes for a moment, he tried to calm down. Again. Fingers tightening on Pogue's shirt. Again. "It's so complicated that I don't actually know which is worse for the kid. Or, actually. Letting Chase raise a kid, that might be the worst solution." Wry, very wry. Since nobody was ever going to allow that to happen. "I just wonder... if how I've seen him changed... if it's not knowing about having a child." All the signs of awareness pointed that way, maybe. ... or at least it was interpretation. The only one that remotely made anything like sense. "I know that he won't ever be anything resembling sane. Or even less, safe. I know that him entirely out of the picture might be the clearest solution. And yet I don't... I don't know. Maybe there's a chance for him to steady. Maybe there's a chance for him to learn." Small twitch of his lips. "And I'm not sure he won't give us an opening to pound his face in, anyway." Not that provoked would make it any better, but defense and self-defense...
... and back down his head went against Pogue's shoulder, chest. "I wish he'd stayed away... no, for Ginny and the kid's sake, not even that. I wish he'd not gotten anybody pregnant, though. I wish that a lot."
"I know," Pogue murmured, one arm tight around his shoulders, one hand rubbing up and down along his upper arm. "Hell, I bet she wishes it too." But that wasn't an area he was going to touch any further than that one statement. He didn't know her mind on sex, on anything like that, he didn't know what had happened apart from that she hadn't... yeah. Whether or not they'd used protection, and thinking about it made his head hurt so he just stopped right there.
The rest of it... made sense. Inasmuch as anything else about Chase made sense. "God, I can't imagine what it would be like, suddenly getting told..." Which got him sidetracked on that. If Kate had turned up pregnant. They'd had one brief scare they'd never told anyone about, realizing the condom broke and then spending the next couple of months halfway panicked and all the way jumpy before they determined that, no, not possible. He'd forgotten about that until just now. Funny, what the mind could make you forget. "Man, when... the summer between junior and senior year. Right before Kate went off to whatever that was, that internship thing. We had this thing, you remember... did you notice? It was... seemed like everyone could just tell, then. We were fooling around right before she left and somehow, I don't know, we didn't notice until we were cleaning up and... Man. I've never been so scared in my life." Which wasn't probably true. But it was a whole other kind of terror.
"I mean... and that was just six weeks or something. And it wasn't even real. This is for real. I can't imagine what it'd be like to ... to know you're going be a Dad. I ... I mean, dealing with ..." He couldn't quite bring himself to call Ginny Chase's girlfriend. "The whole pregnancy thing is bad enough, and then the kid's... there's a kid. A little sc..." Pogue just sort of trailed off but now he was thinking about it, distracted with thinking about it. A little tiny screaming person who would grow up to be a person they could talk to and ride bikes with and who would go to school and, and now he was thinking about himself as a kid. How their parents had had this experience. First a baby, then a child, then a full-grown person. The thought made him physically dizzy. "How the hell, of all of us, how did he end up being a father..." It came out quiet, and wondering. And maybe a little jealous.
"Chance and cosmic irony? Plus the fact that none of us has considered being old enough for something like that?" And Caleb was so mixed up about that. What if he had a son, and he ended up not being unable to handle the power? Or if Caleb himself lost control, spinning yet another generation of his family's vicious circle? Could he do that to his son? Would he?
Why didn't he have a choice, to spare him that?
"And because he's an idiot who doesn't just choose to not exercise control. I have the feeling that he might not be able to." And they both knew that control wasn't the easiest thing in life. Over and over again, every day. Chase just spilled that over... everything in his life.
Caleb tried to shake that away and focused on Pogue, frowning a little, thinking back, connecting the dots. "I knew something was wrong and you were stung out. But you looked nervous enough that I didn't want to press and make it harder. And then it was gone and..." Faint smile. "You looked kind of more... content." Happy. Both he and Kate had looked happier. Relieved, he guessed now. And then Kate had left, and then at the end of the vacation, there'd been ... Chase. And other things, folding upon each other for all of them. Small wonder if he'd forgotten about it. "Then I didn't want to be nosy, I figured, if it was something important..." Pogue would tell him. Which he just did. And if something was really going wrong, one or the other would tell him, as had happened when things could use fixing. Okay, Kate hadn't told him, precisely, but she'd ranted at him. Which, for angry and confused Kate, was about the same.
"Never more scared in your life? Man, six weeks is a long time." Teasing. And also a little relieved, that through all the close calls, he had never given his friend a worse scare. Pogue did have his priorities straight, and that was good. He'd also managed to help Caleb wind down. Nothing was solved. But the whole thing... slowly, they were breaking it down. Looking at different aspects, seeing where each of the issues, or at least the big issues, lay. Classifying them, being on the same page, being... themselves. It was still just as big. But at least now Caleb didn't feel quite like it was going to swallow him and drown him and all that he cared about. "You know that if something happens..." because accidents do happen, even when people are careful "... you're not alone, alright?" Which. Chase didn't have. Not that Caleb was thinking about him in that context right now.
"Well, yeah, there is that." He knew he wasn't old enough for something like that. Apart from the fact that the thought of it scared him, which, he figured it would scare any sane man. And even apparently some of the not so sane ones. Apart from that, he had college. He had plans. Financially, sure, any one of them could support a family just off of family money and the trust funds, but did they have the time? The sense of responsibility? Hell no. He still liked going out on his bike for long rides whenever he wanted way too much.
"It could have been," Pogue shrugged. If it had turned out to be a real issue, a real pregnancy, yeah. Pogue would have told him. He would have told all of them, but it wasn't, so he didn't. And then things had come around, school, Chase. Fighting with Kate. Off and on, until it turned out to be that fighting was more on and their relationship was more off and finally they had both just decided it would be easier on everyone to be apart. And that had hurt. There hadn't really been anyone serious since then, although there had been some longer relationships than others. But still. Nothing like this. "It wasn't," he smiled a little. "And yeah. I know." One hand squeezing his shoulder a little. He'd never doubted that the boys would all stand together if something like that happened. Though so far, thank god, it hadn't. Just the one scare on his part, and if Caleb or Reid or Tyler had had similar issues they hadn't said anything.
And that was that for Chase. He wasn't going to bring up the issue of Chase maybe not being able to exercise control; they'd had enough talking about him for one day. About as much as would be productive.
"And, you know the same, right?" Of course he did. "Though, man. Somehow I can't picture... I just can't see you panicking like I did." Which was gentle teasing, really. Getting someone pregnant as young as they were was always cause for panic.
It was teasing alright... well. To most, he probably wouldn't look panicked, but of all people, Pogue would know. Just a different variety of panic.
Caleb turned his face up, leaning his chin on Pogue's chest - partly so that his friend could see his smile, and partly to look at him. Because he also knew Kate... and especially the fact that they broke up - wasn't easy for Pogue to think about. He'd known it had hurt, he'd known that both of them had mattered to each other and... yes, he was concerned how he was right now. His voice was quiet and steady. "Yeah. I know." Then he grinned a bit more. "I'd have to drag you out of your usual irresponsible state and shove the obligations of a godfather on you, you know."
So many ifs about that, the way he was presently. Not whens, even, ifs. But if a child of him was to happen, hell yeah, it would be Pogue's godchild. And he suspected that if-or-when any of them had sons, they'd be also raised together. As the four of them had been. Theirs. Of the Covenant. But with the four of them, it wasn't just traditional, or bound by the magic, or inherited. They were ... well, the four of them. The sons if Ipswich. The bond between them? It was there because they wanted it, because it was theirs. And they had each other's back, any way they could realize they needed each other. Including when the time came for passing on the bloodlines, and hell that sounded. ...
"You're right. It's scary." He didn't sound scared. But that was because he was Caleb. And because he was coming back to normal, and could make a little light of it. Well, not exactly light. More like believable 'it's okay'. "But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it?" Slight amusement at the cliché. And its applicability. Because, really. None of the four of them was rushing that way. Uncharacteristically wisely.
"Damn right it's scary," he chuckled, grinned at his friend. "But, you know, I think you'd make a great father." And while he could elaborate on that if it looked like Caleb needed the encouragement, Pogue by no means meant right now. Which, that might need saying. "Whenever you decide to go for it." Not right now. But when he did, he had no doubt that Caleb would be a great father. Caring, attentive, practical. All the kinds of things a father needed to be, a good father. He'd just have to keep reminding Caleb of that.
And now things were better. They had the luxury of teasing each other about the prospect of parenthood with it still being far away, the idea of raising kids all together, as a family... as a group of families but still a family nonetheless. "So, if I'm the godfather, does that make Reid the crazy uncle who drives everyone nuts because the kid wants to do everything he does and most of that's either unsafe or just a bad idea? He's the flashy one who is all 'cool.'" Pogue even made air quotes. "And Tyler gets to be the ... something, I don't know, I guess we'll figure it out when it happens." Somewhere between the uncle who related best to the kids because he was the youngest or maybe the wise bookish one or something. Either way. They'd all have a part to play in the lives of the next generation.
Which was still far off. "It's terrifying," he admitted, without hesitation. "Yeah, let's make sure that bridge is really far away, huh?"
Caleb... sighed slightly and his eyes tightened just a little bit, even if the faint smile didn't get chased away completely. "If I am," he said quietly, "I think that will be a clear break from family tradition." Then his lips stretched further. "I am such a notorious rebel, you know. I think I can handle it."
Then he chuckled slightly over the speech about Reid. "He so can take up that role," another lips twitch. "No sweat. And Tyler gets to be the one who brings in the best presents?" The kid did have a good taste, and Caleb knew he shouldn't keep on thinking of Tyler as the kid, but right now, he was relaxing after that all, and it was still true, a little. He'd watch himself - well enough, later.
For now, he leaned back down, face against Pogue's shirt, then sideways, cheek against his chest again. It was comfortable, and nice. And comforting. And while the dizzying need for it was alleviated, he could still appreciate it, greatly. "I'm not rushing into anything." Into having a child, into growing older - either of the ways, into ... getting anywhere, right now.
"Good." Pogue grinned. "Because I know you're so the rushing into things type." Yes, he was teasing. Yes, he was being a dork. But that was what they needed and were doing now. Making things easier a little bit at a time because a sudden change would have been even more stressful. But now they were down almost to relaxed again. Relaxed and easy.
"Tyler gets to be the one who brings the good presents. Reid'll probably bring toys that make noise to the kids when they're really little."
"Rushing into..." ... and then Caleb started laughing. Low, slow laugh. Something struck, along the lines of, what a great pair they made, one rushing off to do things and the other rushing into things, but the words just scattered. He didn't feel like chasing after them; instead just holding on and laughing.
In the end, he just responded to all of it with a light, "we just make an awesome team like that. And that's the truth of it." A beat. "And our kids will probably end up almost as spoiled as us." Probably more, and Caleb was aware of it. But let's not get carried away with ambition, right?
"Probably. Especially since we'll all be spoiling each other's kids," Pogue chuckled, loving the sound of that laugh. The sound of Caleb, happy, and even if he couldn't quite see him as well as he sometimes liked to he could imagine that smile on his friend's face, so bright. It was good. It was way better than earlier.
"We really do make an awesome team," he half-murmured. How late was it, even?
Not nearly late enough for a party night. And more than late enough after a day like the recent few they'd had. Or Caleb'd had... no, Pogue, too. It was just not. simple. But right now, it was alright. "We so would."
And the chuckle made that smile stay even longer. Not the wide sunny thing, more a content, calm smile that just... still warmed things. And Caleb looked up a bit. "So, teammate." Smile-turned-grin. "Shall we go hunt up some food... or not bother?" It was a hotel. Well, motel. There should be something. Right?
"Not unless you want room service." He really didn't feel up to hunting anything. He didn't feel up to much of anything except lying here and exchanging quiet banter, settling down, letting them both drift off to sleep whenever they managed it. That sounded like the best possible end to the whacked-out day they'd had. "You want room service?"
"Nah, they'd skin us alive." Which was obviously totally a joke, considering their financial, well, lack of problems. "I'm good." And when he said that, he realized that it was true - in a more overall sense than just not starving ... enough to stir. Drifting off like this just really seemed like a wonderful idea. A beat. "Do you?"
"Nah." Pogue could eat. He could always eat, but he didn't have to right now. And he didn't want to move enough to sit up and eat. They needed the rest more than they needed to eat right now. To rest, like this, tonight. He'd eat the kitchen for breakfast in the morning.
For now, since he could, since there was no one else there to say anything, even Reid, he just carded his fingers through Caleb's hair and relaxed into the bed. "Might as well just crash."
Oh he liked that touch, and responded by shifting slightly, fitting more comfortably to Pogue's body than the initial... hurting curling up. They might need to stir anyway to use the facilities or undress, but that could wait, too. "Yeah. Might as well."
And it might be later when he murmured a quiet, drowsy, but totally real, "thanks."
